I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
