Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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