If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
