That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize