when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
