I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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