FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
