Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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