i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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