That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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