I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
