Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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