So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
