We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
is that a dick in a sweater?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
