VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
