i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
