I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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