grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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