I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
