She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
