You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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