We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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