Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
