There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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