i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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