between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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