I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize