All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
