Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
