he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
