I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
