and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
