I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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