Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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