he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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