Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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