just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
