# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
