Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
