I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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