I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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