no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
