you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
