have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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