I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
