STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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