I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
