So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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