Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize