No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
