grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
