it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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