we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
