GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
