we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
