im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
