If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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