The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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