ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
