my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
