I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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