Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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