I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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