Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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