sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
