just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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