I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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