mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
