would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont even know how to be here
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
