And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
