I just made out with a guy for $7.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
babies were throwing up all over the place
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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