you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
