The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize