I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
