It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
