well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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