I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
