I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
