she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
