My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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