You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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