It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
