my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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