just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just cropdusted the office
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're too hungover to prance.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
