OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
