The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
