so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
